Borrowed Time...

Had a bit of a scare this last week with Nikita... Tuesday I thought I was actually saying goodbye to Nikita... it had been 5 days of diarrhea all over my house... and I thought for sure the vet was going to say it was time...

As you might imagine- I was a mess leaving the house, putting her in the car- I was a blubbering idiot by the time we got to the vet's. By the time I got there, I honestly thought that I was going to throw up all over the lobby as I walked her in... As we were waiting to check in she had another one of her episodes all over the floor... and when we were finally shown to a room I sat on the floor with Niki- trying to collect myself.

The vet initially thought she felt a mass in her abdomen... but couldn't find it again as she rechecked... Thankfully her blood test came back looking very good... only slightly elevated in the kidneys... probably due to all the diarrhea... So the vet gave me some antibiotics for her- and a prescription for some crazy expensive canned food...

I was on cloud nine as I stopped to get something to drink- and a big water for Nikita- when suddenly I was overcome by the smell... and I turned around to find she was panic-striken as she no longer had anywhere to lay... the back seat was covered... gross... poor girl...

Well the good news is that was the last of it... she perked up over the next day... Go figure- she loves the expensive canned food goodness... and she hasn't been alone since... thanks to my friend Phil who has tag-teamed with me taking care of them...

Perhaps I'm enjoying borrowed time... but she's still here... I'm so relieved... We go back to the vet next week... but for now- she's still here! :)

Hey- Madison wanted to say hello too... :)

The answer is still no!

I have been in Colorado for just over three years now- and it still seems like yesterday when I moved out here. I am so thankful for my time here... This time has been about healing and growth. My ex is now married... and most of the people I met in my Divorce Small Group have at least paired up, most have remarried... part of me wonders when I will find someone... another worries that I'm getting used to being by myself...

It's funny- when you are divorced everyone seems to ask if you are seeing anyone... (the answer is still no.) Part of the problem is the type of guys I meet... If you are familiar with my current job- you know that I spend a great deal of time in jail!

I've struggled with a lack of self worth and self pity... wondering how anyone could want to be with someone like me... let alone someone who meets my standards-who has the qualities I want in a mate.

Awhile back I told myself that I wouldn't be ready to date until I conquered my house. More specifically- work through each and every box of stuff that I've accumulated and brought here... and then find a place for everything... purge anything that doesn't have a home. I've been wallowing in the muck of stuff for way too long. In my mind this will prove to myself that I am ready... that I've truly healed- that I'd be ready at that point to move on. Recently I've been making great progress in this area... feeling like it isn't an impossible task. Completion of this task still feels like a huge feat... but it doesn't feel impossible anymore. I have been frozen in a holding pattern for so long... I've ignored the piles of boxes that stare me in the face every day. They represent emotional baggage... my old life... and as I go through them tossing/donating I feel stronger... I imagine the day that it will be done... (I may be a senior citizen at that point) I plan to throw my very first party! :)

I'm not ready yet...

So my eldest dog- Nikita is starting to show her advanced age... She is 14 1/2 by my calculations... and Siberian Huskies usually have a life span of 10-12 years. She has suddenly been extremely clingy, I've found her curled up in the corner-reluctant to move about... and yesterday she was following me down to the basement when her back legs gave out- and she tumbled down the stairs... If you have met her- you know that she is very puppy-like normally. Most are surprised that she is the oldest of the pack... Facing her mortality saddens me...

People who have had Huskies say that you never know that the end is near until it's here... They don't show their age until the very end... I'm not ready for the end.

In a way her life has seemed like a flash- my ex and I got her a couple months after we were married... how strange it is to look back at how life has changed since then... Back then I would never in a million years thought I would be where I am now... I can still visualize her as a puppy when we brought her home all those years ago... I dread the moment she leaves me... I'm not ready yet... :(